(He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River

I saw his body thrashing round
I saw his heart rate going down
I saw him in convulsive throes
I said, "I'll have one of those."

Hillary had Everest in his veins
Armstrong did moon, was never the same -
Heroes explore to give us hope:
River Phoenix pushed back the envelope

I drank the slab that Bon Scott drunk
I injected some of Hendrix's junk
I booked a seat on Lynyrd Skynyrd's plane
Mama Cass's sandwich? - I ate the same

But now I'm bored and there's no stoppin'-
I need another celeb to fill a coffin
Where will I get my next drug action?
Odds on it will be Michael Jackson