In the Middle of the Night

E’ning Standard, read all about that! Paper sir? Paper sir?

Nice man George, newsagent on the corner
Not very rich, but never any poorer
Jaunty old George, a happy sixty-three
Not very tall, but healthier than me
He whistles timeless tunes as he saunters down the street
Springs in his legs and elastic in his feet

But in the middle of the night
He steals through your garden
Gives your hosiery a fright
And doesn't say "pardon"

As soft as a breeze
With an arm full of underwear
On his hands and knees
Dreams about the knicker scare

Hello there George, newsagent on the corner
How's the old car, yes, the climate's getting warmer
Chatty old George, did you get your morning paper?
Read about the knicker thief, underwear taker
Bids you "Good day", as you wander out the door
Never closes early, always cleans the floor

But when darkness hits the town
And there's washing on your line
Get your knickers down
Before the dreaded sign

When the clock strikes 8
And you're snuggled up in bed
He'll be at the garden gate
Filling the underwear with dread

A nice man George, newsagent on the corner
He was closed today, maybe gone to mow the lawn
I had to go further down the road to get the Currant Bun
Hello, isn't that George on page one?
No it couldn't be, but yes, it is
Difficult to see from these photo fits

But they are after him
Of that you can be sure
They've called him on the phone
And they've knocked on his door

But he's gone away
Gone to stay with some mates
He got the papers early
And saw his own face

E’ning Standard, look in, you buy it?