Dental Hygiene Dilemma

Jeff:
Han min noon toon
Han toon ran

Good Conscience:
No, Jeff

Jeff:
Rantoon rantoon rantoon frammin
Hantoon rantoon hantoon frammin

Good Conscience:
No no no

Jeff:
Man
This stuff is great
It's just as if Donovan himself had appeared on my very own TV with words of peace, love, and eternal cosmic wisdom

Leading me
Guiding me
On paths of everlasting pseudo-karmic negligence
In the very midst of my drug-induced nocturnal emission

Good Conscience:
For I am your good conscience, Jeff
I know all
I see all
I am a cosmic love pulse matrix, becoming a technicolor interpositive

Jeff:
Huh?
Where'd you buy that incense?
It's hip

Good Conscience:
It's the same and mysterious exotic oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on

Jeff:
I thought I recognized it
(Sniff, sniff)
Mmm, what is that, musk?
(Sniff, sniff, sniff)
Mmmh

Good Conscience:
Jeff, I know what's good for you

Jeff:
Right
You're heavy

Good Conscience:
Yes, Jeff, I am your guiding light
Listen to me
Don't rip off the towels, Jeff

Bad Conscience:
Piss off, you little nitwit

Jeff:
Hey man, what's the deal?

Good Conscience:
Don't listen to him, Jeff, he's no good
He'll make you do bad things

Jeff:
You mean, he'll make me sin?

Good Conscience:
Yes, Jeff
Sin

Jeff:
Wow

Bad Conscience:
Jeff, I'd like to have a word with you
About your soul

Good Conscience:
No, don't listen, Jeff

Bad Conscience:
Why are you wasting your life, night after night playing this comedy music?

Jeff:
You're right, I'm too heavy to be in this group

Bad Conscience:
Comedy music

Good Conscience:
Jeff, your soul

(right channel):
Oh, ah
Oh, you're wasting your life
To be
Ah

(left channel):
Oh, ah
Ah, ah
Too heavy, Jeff

Jeff:
In this group, all I ever get to do is play Zappa's comedy music
He eats

Good Conscience:
Jeff

Jeff:
I get so tense

Bad Conscience:
Of course you do, my boy

Jeff:
The stuff he makes me do is always off the wall

Bad Conscience:
That's why it would be best to leave his stern employ

Jeff:
And quit the group

Bad Conscience:
You'll make it big

Jeff:
That's right

Bad Conscience:
Of course

Jeff:
And then I won't be small

Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
Ti-diddly-diddly-dee
Ha, ha, ha
He-he-he-he-heh

Jeff:
(Cough, cough)
Ahmet Ertegun used this towel as a bathmat six weeks ago at a rancid motel in Orlando, Florida, with the highest mildew rating of any commercial lodging facility within the territorial limits of the United States, naturally excluding tropical possessions

It's still damp
What an aroma
This is the best I ever got off
What can I say about this elixir?
Try it on steaks
Cleans nylons
Small craft warnings
It's great for the home
The office
On fruits

Bad Conscience:
This is the real you, Jeff
Rip off a few more ashtrays
Get rid of some of that inner tension
Quit the comedy group
Get your own group together
Heavy
Like Grand Funk
Or Black Sabbath

Good Conscience:
No, Jeff

Jeff:
Or coven

Good Conscience:
Peace
Love

Bad Conscience:
Bollocks

Jeff:
What can I say about this elixir?

Howard:
Jeff has gone out there on that stuff

Good Conscience:
He should have never have used the elixir and only stuck to the incense
Oh, Atlantis

Mark:
That was Billy the Mountain, dressed up like Donovan, fading out on the wall-mounted TV screen
Jeff is flipping out
Road fatigue
We've got to get him back to normal before Zappa finds out, and steals it, and makes him do it in the movie

Bad Conscience:
You have a brilliant career ahead of you, my boy
Just get out of this group

Mark:
Howard, that was Studebacher Hoch, dressed up like Jim Pons, giving career guidance to the bass player of a rock-oriented comedy group
Jeff's imagination has gone beyond the fringe of audience comprehension

Howard:
Jeff, Jeff, it's me, the Phlorescent Leech

Mark:
Jeff, Jeff, it's me, Eddie

All:
Wow
What can I say about this elixir?

Mark (right channel):
Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, [...] ground, and put it on you surfboard so you won't slip off
Try it on your [Jim Bean Boy], and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it
Put it on your . . . heh . . . on . . . on your pizzas
Put it on your shoes, tie your bike with it, and fill up your tires with it

Howard (center):
Use it to clean your swimming pool, sell it to your mother and tell her it's a Rit tie-dye kit, you won't even believe what'll happen when you starch your shirt with it, ironing goes easier and your car windows never looked better in your whole life
Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it, and it makes your voice three keys higher, and you can't even stand what happens when you put it on your hair, as hair tonic
Heh, heh
And if you ever tried it as a

Jim Pons (left channel):
Soak your shirts in it, soak your teeth in it
Let it play the piano
Follow it around the block
Wear it instead of jeans
Bathe your puppies with it
Feed it to your ducks
Use it instead of chlorine in your swimming pool
Breathe it
Love it

All:
What?
Wow
What can I?
Wow
What?
What can I say about this?
Wow