Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99
"Wear sunscreen"

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, "sunscreen" would be it

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice NOW!
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth
Oh, never mind

You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded

But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked
You are not as fat as you imagine
Don't worry about the future
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday
Do one thing every day that scares you

Sing
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours

Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself

Remember compliments you receive
Forget the insults
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters
Throw away your old bank statements

Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't

Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees
You'll miss them when they're gone

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40

Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance
So are everybody else's

Enjoy your body
Use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own

Dance
Even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them

Do not read beauty magazines
They will only make you feel ugly

"Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurted but I've been waiting to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out
Whenever I can..."

Get to know your parents
You never know when they'll be gone for good

Be nice to your siblings
They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future
Understand that friends come and go
But with a precious few you should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get
The more you need the people who knew you when you were young
Live in "New York City" once, but leave before it makes you hard
Live in "Northern California" once, but leave before it makes you soft

Travel
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise
Politicians will philander
You, too, will get old
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders

Respect your elders
Don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund
Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia

Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth
But trust me on the sunscreen

"Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurted but I've been waiting to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out
Whenever I can..."

Everybody's Free, Everybody's Free To Feel Good!