Fear of Bliss

My misery has enjoyed company
And although I have ached
I don't threaten anybody
Sometimes I feel more bigness than I've shared with you
Sometimes I wonder why I quell when I'm not required to

I've tried to be small I've tried to be stunted
I've tried roadblocks and all
My happy endings prevented

Sometimes I feel it's all just too big to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my bigness could do

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)

I could be golden I could be glowing I could be freedom
But that could be boring

Sometimes I feel this is too scary to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of losing you

This talk of liberation makes me want to go lie down
Under the covers til the terror of the unknown is gone

I could be full I could be thriving I could be shining
Sounds isolating

Sometimes I feel this is too good to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my joy could do