Fire

Um, I'm only going to do the one, thing and I'd like to dedicate this to any victims of serial arsonists, er, in the room, er, it's a piece called, er, "Fire".
Now, er, not, not, not that piece called "Fire".
It'd be interesting to do a straw poll and see who recognises an Arthur Brown record ... strange man who ...
I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna find out ...
Er, called "Fire".
And it, it's a kind of er, semi-sung thing.

Someone set fire to my shirt
Maybe they misconstrued the appropriate way to flirt
The person who set fire to my shirt

Someone set fire to my dog
I only managed to put him out by dunking him in the bog
When somebody set fire to my dog

Someone set fire to my house
We were only saved from tragedy by a micturating mouse
When somebody set fire to my house

Someone set fire to my shoe
It was just a pile of ashes when I came back from the loo
'Cause somebody set fire to my shoe

And somebody set fire to my Lord
They're either sick and twisted or particularly bored
The person who set fire to my Lord

Someone set fire to my Venus
It was an original Michelangelo so the crime was partick'ly heinous
When somebody set fire to my Venus

Someone set fire to my beard
There was the briefest sound of burning and then it disappeared
When somebody set fire to my beard

Someone set fire to my pram
Thank the Lord I only use it to move quantites of jam
When somebody set fire to my pram

Somebody set fire to my clock
Fortunately I'd a spare one sewn onto my sock
When somebody set fire to my clock

Someone set fire to my bread
I thought they were making toast and in a sort of a way they did
When somebody set fire to my bread

Someone set fire to my bra
But we isolated the garment and the flames didn't spread very far
When somebody set fire to my bra

Someone set fire to my leaf
Eve was terribly happy when she saw what was underneath
When somebody set fire to my leaf

Someone set fire to my bath
It wasn't full of water so it wasn't all that daft
But somebody set fire to my bath

Someone set fire to my Zen
I turned away for a second whilst watching Mr. Ben
And somebody set fire to my Zen

A lot more to go yet

Someone set fire to my lawn
They say you only truly love a thing when it has upped and gorn
When somebody set fire to my lawn

Someone set fire to my back
I wear an ointment-impregnated piece of hessian sack
Now somebody set fire to my back

Someone set fire to my front
I caught the bastard at it and I called him a big fat bastard
The person who set fire to my front

Someone set fire to my beer
I saved myself from harm by not standing very near
When somebody set fire to my beer

But someone set fire to my toes
You can tell by the way I'm standing I expect or I suppose
That somebody set fire to my toes

Someone set fire to my love
I was fairly saddened by this because it also burnt my glove
When somebody set fire to my love

Someone set fire to my song
Perhaps they started to think that it was getting a bit too long
The person who set fire to my song
But they were wrong

Someone set fire to my tie
To be honest it's only singed a bit but they had a damn good try
The person who set fire to my tie

Someone set fire to my morgue
If I was Captain Jane-away I'd assume it was the Borg
That went and set fire to my morgue

There's a lot I've missed out

Someone set fire to my wig
I didn't really mind 'cos it was made from the hair of a pig
'N somebody set fire to my wig

It doesn't get any better ...

Someone set fire to my book
Perhaps they weren't aware of the usual things to cook
The person who set fire to my book

I think there's one more

Someone set fire to my table
For a moment I assumed that I was living in a fable

That, that's all that's on the ...