Fancy Dress Party

This next poem's called: I Went To A Fancy Dress Party.


I went to a fancy dress party
Dressed as a fireman
On the way I helped an old lady's cat out of a tree
I used a handy pair of wire-cutters to free an infant whose hand had become stuck in some chain-link fencing
And I advised a small group of office workers which particular extinguisher should be used on which particular fire

When I got to the party
I was told it was a false alarm
That there was no fire there
And no-one was stuck, flooded or in any way in need of my help at all
Well, I said, it's better safe than burning

I went back to the fire station where I had a sandwich and a game of cards with some real firemen
After a while, one of them noticed that my axe was made of cardboard
And that I'd painted a washing-up bowl yellow and put it on my head
I explained I had been meaning to go to a fancy dress party
But that they hadn't needed me after all
And one of the firemen said that that had happened to him just the weekend before
And he had to spend the evening in a convent
Which has been a bit of an eye-opener

When our shift finished
I filled in my timesheet
And one of the firemen gave me a ride home
On the back of his motorbike