A Flurry of Little Ones

... thank you very much
For my encore I thought I'd um
Er just rip through some, some of these er
See how many of these I can get on
Until Sam kicks us off.

Er, any pirates in the audience?
(Aarr! Aarr! Aarr!)
... good, good good good
Er, this is a poem for er, polite pirates I guess
Called Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Diet Coke Please If You Don't Mind Getting It.

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest
The dead man growing flatter
You'd only fit seven on
If some of them were fatter

Er, this is a poem about my Uncle Quentin
Anybody called Quentin in tonight?
No, okay
'Cos I often find it does go better when there are a roomful of Quen-
I, I did a Quentin con er, convention a few weeks ago
Happens in a small village outside of San Diego every year
All the Quentins in the world arrive in a big room
Wax their moustaches and stare at one another through er, sort of slightly inbred eyes
It's a fantastic weekend if ever you get a chance.
Um, just do remember, do remember to take a handkerchief to mop up the dribble off your er, er shoes
Obviously my Uncle Quentin wasn't actually there 'cos he's quite a nice chap.

Uncle Quentin.

It was for a vasectomy
That Uncle Quentin went in
But due to unfortunate cuts in the hospital
He lost it all

Er, this is just called Poem
Sometimes you don't need a big explanatory title
Sometimes just one word's enough to sort of, sort of ring to let you know
It's like, er, like Drink, or Food.
Poem.
It's the other major kingdom of life.
I'm not a zoologist by the way so that may be wrong anyway.
Poem.
The universal gesture of titlehood there.
Poem.

If my imaginative powers were stronger
This poem would probably be longer

Yeah some things are really hard work clapping